


Isolate

by Qpenguin98



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Isolation, Loneliness, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, hes alone for a while, honestly this is really angsty, keith doesnt really know how to handle human interaction v well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 03:56:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7492857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The trip through the wormhole had been rough on both Keith and his lion. It was still responsive when he woke up, but barely.</p>
<p>Static crackled through the com in his helmet.</p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isolate

Before Voltron, the loneliness was a palpable, heavy weight in his chest. The desert was a quiet, solitary place, and he never really sought people out. He didn’t need to, surrounded by the myths of the blue lions on the walls and figuring out what it all meant.

He had no one left, he told himself. Shiro was dead in space, pilot error his ass.

He had himself and the desert, and that was all he really needed.

He didn’t understand what the heaviness in his chest was until Voltron came together.

It was, different, with people around.

Warmer, he guessed, less stiff.

Readjusting was hard. He’d been alone for so long that he didn’t know how to act around people anymore. Having Shiro back made it better, but even the conversations they had together were strained.

The knots around him slowly untangled, and the group training really did help. The whole “No secrets between paladins” thing made it easier for him to trust the people around him.

He allowed himself to laugh, something he hadn’t done in a long time. Smiles came more often. He actively spoke to his friends.

Friends.

That was something new too.

A word he was eternally grateful to be able to call them.

And then it all ended and he was alone again.

\---

The trip through the wormhole had been rough on both Keith and his lion. It was still responsive when he woke up, but barely.

Static crackled through the com in his helmet.

Nothing.

He’d tried everything he knew to get it to work, to contact anyone. He was left with the static silence.

Crushing loneliness surrounded him, and he didn’t know how to handle it.

The bruises all over his body probably didn’t help.

He got out of his lion first, looked around.

It was relatively earth-ish. Trees, wind, some sort of grass on the ground.

He had taken a breath, and shoved that aching, lonely feeling down deep. He needed to focus, figure some way out of this.

That had been nearly a year ago.

It felt longer.

He’s made out pretty well, considering. There were emergency supplies in Red, medical kits, water, food, but he made a shelter, found food when the emergency supplies ran out.

He doesn’t really talk anymore. Occasionally, he’d let out a quiet, breathy laugh at something, but for the most part, he let the silence consume him.

The planet was calm. Serene in an almost unsettling way. No one had tried to kill him yet, so that was definitely a plus.

He’d patched up Red, but the coms were still trashed. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it.

He gave up trying after month four.

He’s cooking dinner when he hears it, the pingy, light voice that he’d all but forgotten.

“His lion _should_ be somewhere around here. That’s what the signal says at least.”

You’re hallucinating again, he tells himself. He’d gotten berries from a nearly untouched bush and forgotten all survival rules and ate them. It had been a bad couple of days.

But this was something entirely different.

“Hey, is that a… fire?”

“Keith!”

They’re shouting at him now, and he finally turns in the direction they’re coming from.

Shiro pushes through the leaves first, and Keith is frozen.

Shiro’s face is one of shocked relief, and Keith can’t get any words out of his mouth. His vision gets blurry, though, and he thinks Shiro walks towards him, and then there’s warm, solid, _real_ arms around him, and he lets himself go.

He didn’t cry at all in the almost year he’d been here. He’s pushed it all down and went hunting for food, or broke sticks, something more productive.

And now all that panic and fear and aching, cold loneliness rises to the top of his throat and he wraps his arms around Shiro tightly.

He’s hiccupy and shaky when the others get there. He feels so weak, but everyone’s there and it’s too good to be true.

“You’re real,” he whispers, mostly to himself.

“We are,” answers Shiro.

\---

Pidge explains that it took so long for them to find him because a sensor on Red was broken. They’d had to reprogram the entire tracker to work around it.

Everyone found each other six months before him.

And that’s a sting in the back of his brain, of course he’s the one to be left alone for so long.

The castle doesn’t feel like home anymore, not that anywhere ever really did. But less so than a year ago.

That as well, Pidge explains. It had been a year, the days on his planet were just slightly longer. He’s quiet at this. Not even his makeshift calendar was correct.

He has to readjust to people again, and it’s worse this time around. He’d resigned himself to never seeing another human being again this time. He didn’t talk hardly at all in that year, and it’s hard to use words again.

Every hand touch or shoulder brush feels like fire on his skin.

The sounds of people are jarring, and one day, he wishes to himself that he was back on that soft, quiet planet.

Then he realizes what he thought, and it jars him back into the real world.

He trains.

It’s different now. Less about being prepared, and more of a distraction.

From what he doesn’t know.

An uncomfortable static accompanies him wherever he goes. Somedays it’s louder than others. But somedays it’s quiet, allowing him to interact with his teammates.

He doesn’t sleep, an unfamiliar, hard, sharp feeling in his dreams when he does. He lives on his energy and goes days without sleeping.

He can’t even consider it sleeping. It’s just when he passes out from exhaustion, wherever that may be. It’s never for long. Two to three hours tops.

On a day when the static is particularly bad, Shiro tries to confront him about it.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself,” he says, exasperated. “I know you don’t want to but-”

He unthinkingly puts a hand on Keith’s shoulder and he flinches back so violently that he makes the static worse.

Shiro’s frozen, glancing between his hand and Keith’s pained face.

Regret washes over his face, and Keith wants to apologize, but when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out.

“It’s okay,” says Shiro. “I get it.”

He smiles sadly and leaves.

Keith feels more alone than he ever has.

\---

Isolation does funny things to people, like causing them to seek it out more.

He barely leaves his room for anything but training. He hardly eats, and the sleep problem has gotten worse if anything.

The static washes over him in waves, forces him to stop, sit, calm down.

It usually doesn’t work, and he’ll sit for hours covering his ears, trying to block out any and all noises.

He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he ended the simulation, but the soft whir of the door opening startles him.

His head rests in his arms, which rest on top of his knees. He’d given up on trying to block everything out a little bit ago.

“You’re missing dinner,” says the voice he least expected. “Hunk made something that’s actually solid and edible, and I didn’t think you’d want to miss it.”

“Go away Lance,” he scratches out.

“Oh, I know you hate being around us, but this is the first good thing that’s happened since we found you! You can’t avoid us all forever. Besides, you’ve been training on an empty stomach for who knows how many days, and we’re all worried.”

Keith lifts his head. “I don’t… hate being around you all.”

“Well I could really tell with how much you’ve interacted with us recently!”

He makes eye contact with Lance, and it’s hard. Staring at someone so openly. Lance’s eyes soften a little when he sees Keith’s face, and he comes to sit next him.

He doesn’t try to touch him, which Keith is grateful for.

“I know it’s hard to be back with people again, but we’re all really worried. You don’t even have to sit with us, just take some food. For Hunk’s sake. He worked really hard.”

He thinks a second and then nods. “I… I’ll eat with you guys.”

“Really?” Lance’s face lights up and Keith smiles.

“Well yeah. Can’t have everyone thinking I’m ignoring them, can I?”

The table is loud, but Keith pushes through it. He can see the relief on everyone’s faces and that makes it worth it.

\---

He slowly integrates himself back into the group.

Slowly.

He still doesn’t sleep, but he couldn’t anyway with Lance shoving him out of his room every chance he can.

Lance has taken it as a personal mission to re-socialize Keith.

He is ruthless.

If Keith’s in the training room for more than two hours, he will literally drag him out.

Sometimes, though, he indulges him.

“Fight me?” he suggests one day, after watching Keith struggle against the training dummy.

“What?”

“Fight me. Maybe it’s a better way to get you back into touching people.”

It’s… not a horrible idea. It’s probably Lance’s best tactic yet, honestly. Every time Lance tries to high five him or even touch his shoulder, he panics and draws back.

The fight is good, messier than the ones with the training dummy. It feels more real, visceral.

Until his fist accidentally connects with Lance’s cheek. He can feel the flesh move under his knuckles and stop at the bones and teeth.

Lance is absolutely beaming as Keith draws back.

Keith stares at his hand, and the static washes over him. He bites his lip to keep it together, but the pain just floats away, and he stares and stares until he can’t see anything.

Vaguely, he sits, body heavy. There’s a voice, and he drops his head to his knees.

Everything is fuzzy and sharp, and he will not open his eyes.

He’s not sure how long it is, but he does know that Lance hasn’t moved from his side the entire time.

He looks up and meets Lance’s worried gaze.

“Sorry,” he says quietly.

“Don’t,” starts Lance. “It’s my fault. It was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even suggested it and-”

“It really isn’t your fault.”

Lance shuts up.

“I mean, I really don’t know what sets it off, and you’re at least trying to help, so don’t blame yourself for my absolute shitfits.”

“Maybe we start slow?”

“Yeah,” agrees Keith. “Maybe.”

\---

He masters not completely panicking every time he hits a piece of bare skin on Lance. It takes a while, but he does it.

Lance is really, really happy about it and goes for a high five after training. Keith returns it.

They both stop.

Lance looks at him carefully, gauging to see if it will set him off.

Keith looks up at Lance and has a quiet revelation.

“Touch me,” he says in a whisper.

Lance reaches out a tentative hand and picks up Keith’s gloved one.

Nothing happens.

Lance’s face splits into the biggest smile Keith has ever seen. Keith wraps his fingers around Lance’s, and something warm and comforting travels up his nerves.

He takes Lance’s other hand in his, and it actually feels good.

Lance slides his hands up Keith’s arms and sparks shoot through his spine.

He drops his head.

“Hey, you still with me?” Lance squeezes his shoulder, and he looks back up.

He’s smiling too.

“Yes,” he says.

Lance looks star struck, and Keith actually laughs.

He feels.

Light.

So he looks at Lance a little more carefully, and leans a little closer.

A nervous titter escapes Lance’s mouth, and Keith focuses his eyes there.

The kiss is soft and warm, and Keith half expects himself to break into a panic again. But he doesn’t, just feels a pleasant buzz replace the sharp, constant static in his brain.

Lance put a hand on his cheek and Keith sighs, eyes slipping closed.

He’s a little desperate, he figures out, for human contact, and he run his hands up Lance’s stomach.

Lance’s fingers run through his hair and it’s so good and so much that he pulls back to look up at him.

“Your hair got longer,” Lance says breathlessly.

“That’s what happens when you’re alone on weird planet for a year.”

Lance snickers, and Keith smiles.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Lance says affectionately.

Keith rests his forehead on Lance’s chest and nods. “So am I.”

\---

It’s not easy every day. Sometimes, he can barely look at anyone without having a steady feeling of numb wash over him.

But it’s a start, and a good one at that.

**Author's Note:**

> HMMMMM BOI IM ALL ABOUT THAT ANGST HERE WE GO


End file.
